(Around-Menopause)

Top of my mind right now is perimenopause. As a 49-year-old, I find myself experiencing changes in my body that I don’t recognize. I’ve always been fit and able to eat what I want while exercising the calories away. Fitness has always been important to me. Yes, this past year I may have slacked a bit due to overcommitting, but I never completely gave up on myself. I still made an effort, just not at the same level. However, during similar years in the past, this wasn’t an issue. It wasn’t like this. I know how good it feels to exercise, both mentally and physically – I need it and I enjoy it.

To be honest, it’s not so much the 12 pounds of weight I’ve gained in a year that bothers me. It’s more about feeling let down, maybe even betrayed. I used to know what my body needed from me. I had great control and could rely on my efforts to yield predictable results. I could generally fuel it however I wanted. I could indulge every now and then and still offset it with working out and mostly healthy eating. My tried and true methods would always show positive results quickly. But now, when I look in the mirror, my body just looks different. The extra weight around the middle, the way my thighs touch differently, the way my clothes fit.

I need to learn to love my new curves and find joy in fitness for the health benefits it brings, beyond just physical results. I need to find strength and confidence in who I am on the inside – the knowledge I’ve gained, the good I’ve done for others, and the life I’ve lived. I have to embrace this new normal and the process of discovering what my body needs now at midlife. It’s also an opportunity to explore a new style, find clothes that make me feel confident and strong, regardless of my size.

I wanted to share this because I know that many of my friends will or have gone through this as well. Menopause affects each of us differently. For some, it’s the realization that they can no longer have children, that the phase of being a new mom (new-mom-era) has passed. For others, it’s the reality of being in midlife, receiving AARP and retirement community brochures in the mail, and qualifying for senior citizen discounts. Some feel betrayed by their bodies in terms of how they move, their joints, their eyes. Or it’s the disconnect between how they feel mentally on the inside and how they look on the outside.

Personally, I feel like a 25-year-old with the sense of humor of a 10-year-old boy and the wisdom of a 49-year-old. Menopause doesn’t define me; it’s just a part of the natural life process. It’s an opportunity for self-discovery and learning to love myself in new ways. So, if I look “different,” I’m well aware of it. I don’t need reminders or to be told that I’m past my prime (yes, someone has actually said that to me). No, I haven’t given up on myself. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m just in my new-menopause-era.